Video

ellenandportiatruelove:

So I know a lot of people can’t see the Ellen video with Chelsea and it can’t be downloaded from Youtube. So I have screen capture software I use to help people with computer problems and with a little editing….here it is!! This is the best I could do.

(via i-am-the-chosen-cone)

Source: ellenandportiatruelove
Link

http://ellenlover1998.tumblr.com/post/96045127882/it-is-really-funny-how-missed-up-life-could-get

dre220:

ellenlover1998:

dre220:

ellenlover1998:

dre220:

ellenlover1998:

dre220:

ellenlover1998:

It is really funny how missed up life could get! I’ve never wished I was dead this much before! I pray everyday for god to take me! It maybe me acting silly, but god I would give anything to not go to school or have to face anyone at school! It is just way too stressful how my ******* future could…

If I may, ellenlover1998, I must tell you I was the same way. I failed countless tests, disappointed my mom in ways I couldn’t have even imagined, and stressed for hours on end about how I was going to make it all work. I couldn’t console myself, I was lost, I was drifting between hatred for the school system and frustration as to why I couldn’t perform the way I was expected to. It was a lonely, difficult few years. I watched my friends get awards and succeed in ways I could have only dreamed of, I watched the world go on around me while I was barely present, lost in my own failures. I can’t tell you what changed or even what precipitated the change, but I remember every clearly reaching a point where I was emotionless towards everything. I stopped caring. I retrieved into the only world I knew could ever understand me: my head, the world I created, where I and no one else had access to. I started to grow indifferent to my failures, to view them as the past and nothing more because even though my faith in everything was shattered, I never lost faith in myself- my hope was dwindling, but never completely lost and never completely out of reach. I didn’t notice that, of course… not until much, much later, but that isn’t important. I had too much pride in myself to allow such a faulty system- in my eyes- to win over me, to destroy my last shred of whatever weak hope I had. And so, I stopped looking at people, stopped giving them my envy, stopped caring about them, I convinced myself I was better somehow, even though my grades clearly didn’t reflect that.. but it was all I had. I discovered books during this time, found myself in the voices of dead authors, in the vibrant and living souls of the ageless characters they depicted. I read anything and everything I could- fiction, non-fiction, autobiographies, you name it, I’ve seen or touched it during my countless hours spent at the library. And during this time, I discovered a similarity between every successful person deemed successful by our society, by our schools. Some of them, like Einstein, for example, failed and failed until the teachers where forced by their lack of understanding to deem him “incompetent”, “stupid”. Now we know very well today that Einstein was FAR from what they deemed him to be, from that seal of rejection he received from those who were meant to encourage him, teach him, even love him. It is my conviction that even though he was born with an extraordinary mind, that he simply didn’t find his calling in school, he found it in his escape, in his mind, in the books he would invest him time into. He even gave us the quote, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.” And that, my friend, is the point I believe you have reached. Now, I’m not calling you Einstein or even alluding that anyone who struggles has the capabilities he had, but the system we live in isn’t meant for everyone, and we shouldn’t judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree. We can’t get rid of something so deeply rooted, but we can recognize that not everyone is meant to climb that tree, and just because you aren’t, you shouldn’t go trying to change something that 9 times out of 10 isn’t in your power to change. I encourage you to escape, to escape in the smart way. Turn your attention to your strengths, and you have some, I know you do. Go hard at those, believe in that, the universe will guide you to where you are meant to be, believe that! Believe that with all your heart! I am NO WHERE NEAR where I was during my elementary school days and you know what, I’m not even close to what I was in 9th grade- and that wasn’t that long ago! I’m changing and growing better and better every single day and I’ll bet you any sum of money that you are too.. the system can’t show you that when it’s corrupt as it is, you have to believe in that yourself, you have to believe in you. I’m here to tell you that if nothing else, I understand your struggle, I hear your struggle, I have experience shit myself… but you can’t give up. Life goes on and on with or without you, and in the macro sense, who cares if you fuck up a little! Who cares if you aren’t what is expected of you! None of the best people who ever lived conformed or apologized for their failures! They magnified their strengths, focused on the gifts they were given. You need to find your passion in life, find your strength and don’t look back! Never look back! You did what you did, great, I’m proud of you for trying, but you can’t stop now! No. No, don’t you dare stop. You are here for a long, long time and I’m excited to see you change and develop and make something of yourself. I’m on your side, you just call on me… I’m here for you. I feel you, don’t forget that. Keep your head up, carry on with what you’re doing, nothing is worthless if its used to better yourself, no matter how many times you fail, you just need to find your way, your passion, your escape, and fuck everything else. Trust me. You’ll be so much happier you did… Don’t give up. Never, not for one second. 

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this and how it actually made me feel better, but I am surrounded by ppl who ARE actually smart! I am not talking about friends, I don’t envy thim I am happu for them, but I am talking about my family, my dad who is a math genius his father who took a medal from the president at the time for BEING SMART and his achivements in school, my family expects me to BE a genius, and I can’t dissapoint them not after what my dad had to do to give me this kind of education, I can’t live with people’s judgements when they know my mark or what uni. my marks will get me into after all. And you where telling me to focus on my strengths, but what if it is not enough!? What if it I am best at the things that can’t really get me to a college like dentistry, and I am 100% sure my dad wouldn’t be so proud of his “Artist” daughter and no uni. Would accept a colour blind only black anf white artist to be their graduate! My family won’t go around telling everyone here is our daughter she is an artist/singer traaaaa! No no she is not a doctor or an engineer she is an artis/singer EXACTLY what we wanted her to be, NOT.

It is your life, your path, your happiness at stake. I’m sorry, but I’d much rather live my life happy with my career, happy with my decision, than to be trying to live up to expectations clearly not suited for me. You are tying to fit into a square box predetermined for you by people who just so happened to find that box a perfect fit themselves. But what if you’re a rectangle, a triangle, a circle even. Will you spend your entire life trying to fix into something that isn’t for you, or will you make your own box, live comfortably within it? What’s the better option? Defying your convention or living your whole life trying to mould yourself to it? It’s your life, you need to make a choice, and if you choose to mould, you shouldn’t complain about it then. You have a choice, you’ve always had a choice. Life is a choice, it’s filled with them and this won’t be the last one you’ll have to make. Your family should, the way I see family to be, support you no matter what. Love surpasses all, love is stronger than barriers and conventions and anything that threatens it, or gives off the illusion that it might weaken it. If they are any kind of people at all, they will accept you, they will love you… you are their own flesh and blood. And if your concern ventures into the financial, then you should know that you’ll never hit rock bottom, if it’s what you love, if you were born for it, the universe wouldn’t let you lose that badly.

The thing is my family is not forcing me into anything, they know I work hard, they didn’t force me into anything, And I myslef want nothing in my life more than being a dentist, but what if I can’t! I am not smart enough and I know it because no matter how much I try I just get blocked by some wall! The thing is my family has hope in me my mon told me ” I have so much hope in you darling, your brother not much he is smart,yes, but all he does is play, but you I have hope in you” or my dad when he enters my room and sees me studying he patts my back and tellls me “keeps going “dodo” ” with this proud smile, I don’t want that smile to fade away I don’t my mother’s hope to vanish either, and I most definetly don’t want the thing I love/want to be the most taken away from me, but see this is how life is unfair, I work hard but it is never enough, while i see others who really bearly work I swear to god they actually forget their entire bag at home or at school or their books on a final exam and they enter the test and when the marks get out they are more than satisfied and happy with their 99/100 that took no effort, life is unfair, life straight forward, plain with no deessings SUCKs!

I want to be a neurologist, but you think I have the grades for it currently?! Hell no! I need to bust my ass for that right now. I see kids who probably outside of school are nothing more than average walk in and get 80, 90, 100%. Oh fucking well. That’s their journey, that’s their destiny. Maybe I’m meant to struggle, maybe I’m meant to have a harder time with it, but I don’t doubt that it’s for a good reason, to somehow make me appreciate it more, to make me better. Don’t focus on them, you’re not them. And I’ll just put this out there, but maybe your immense struggle is a sign. I’m not saying you should give up, but explore other things too…you might just find you’re happier there. I know I love medicine, that won’t change, but over the years I’ve also formed back ups, other careers I can see myself doing. I’ll still go for medicine, but I need to accept that maybe, despite my best efforts, it isn’t meant to be for me. Oh well! I can only try and try until life expects me to move on, pick myself up and live my life. You need to welcome failure, stop dreading it. It hold you back, it forms those walls you speak of, because by fearing failure you rarely ever try hard enough, strong enough even though you feel you’re giving it your all. It doesn’t work like that. Any negative emotion is bound to form an inhibition. 

Sometimes I just wish it was easy as it sounds, I wish for a miracle to happen, it is really hard, it is hard to see myself doing anything else, it all requires being a genius or I just hate it. It is really hard, I was stupid to give myself so much hope I guess now it all vanished away way too quickly leaving me surprised with a burning painful I-don’t-know-what-the-hell- I’m-going-to-do-! shock.

I get that…some adjust better to it than others, but it is a shock nonetheless. Keep your head up though, work hard, and if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.. you’ll never be too lost in this world, there is always guidance.

Thank you, for talking I needed to get this out, maybe it won’t change how I feel a 100% but I needed this, so thank you.

Source: ellenlover1998
Link

http://ellenlover1998.tumblr.com/post/96045127882/it-is-really-funny-how-missed-up-life-could-get

dre220:

ellenlover1998:

dre220:

ellenlover1998:

dre220:

ellenlover1998:

It is really funny how missed up life could get! I’ve never wished I was dead this much before! I pray everyday for god to take me! It maybe me acting silly, but god I would give anything to not go to school or have to face anyone at school! It is just way too stressful how my ******* future could…

If I may, ellenlover1998, I must tell you I was the same way. I failed countless tests, disappointed my mom in ways I couldn’t have even imagined, and stressed for hours on end about how I was going to make it all work. I couldn’t console myself, I was lost, I was drifting between hatred for the school system and frustration as to why I couldn’t perform the way I was expected to. It was a lonely, difficult few years. I watched my friends get awards and succeed in ways I could have only dreamed of, I watched the world go on around me while I was barely present, lost in my own failures. I can’t tell you what changed or even what precipitated the change, but I remember every clearly reaching a point where I was emotionless towards everything. I stopped caring. I retrieved into the only world I knew could ever understand me: my head, the world I created, where I and no one else had access to. I started to grow indifferent to my failures, to view them as the past and nothing more because even though my faith in everything was shattered, I never lost faith in myself- my hope was dwindling, but never completely lost and never completely out of reach. I didn’t notice that, of course… not until much, much later, but that isn’t important. I had too much pride in myself to allow such a faulty system- in my eyes- to win over me, to destroy my last shred of whatever weak hope I had. And so, I stopped looking at people, stopped giving them my envy, stopped caring about them, I convinced myself I was better somehow, even though my grades clearly didn’t reflect that.. but it was all I had. I discovered books during this time, found myself in the voices of dead authors, in the vibrant and living souls of the ageless characters they depicted. I read anything and everything I could- fiction, non-fiction, autobiographies, you name it, I’ve seen or touched it during my countless hours spent at the library. And during this time, I discovered a similarity between every successful person deemed successful by our society, by our schools. Some of them, like Einstein, for example, failed and failed until the teachers where forced by their lack of understanding to deem him “incompetent”, “stupid”. Now we know very well today that Einstein was FAR from what they deemed him to be, from that seal of rejection he received from those who were meant to encourage him, teach him, even love him. It is my conviction that even though he was born with an extraordinary mind, that he simply didn’t find his calling in school, he found it in his escape, in his mind, in the books he would invest him time into. He even gave us the quote, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.” And that, my friend, is the point I believe you have reached. Now, I’m not calling you Einstein or even alluding that anyone who struggles has the capabilities he had, but the system we live in isn’t meant for everyone, and we shouldn’t judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree. We can’t get rid of something so deeply rooted, but we can recognize that not everyone is meant to climb that tree, and just because you aren’t, you shouldn’t go trying to change something that 9 times out of 10 isn’t in your power to change. I encourage you to escape, to escape in the smart way. Turn your attention to your strengths, and you have some, I know you do. Go hard at those, believe in that, the universe will guide you to where you are meant to be, believe that! Believe that with all your heart! I am NO WHERE NEAR where I was during my elementary school days and you know what, I’m not even close to what I was in 9th grade- and that wasn’t that long ago! I’m changing and growing better and better every single day and I’ll bet you any sum of money that you are too.. the system can’t show you that when it’s corrupt as it is, you have to believe in that yourself, you have to believe in you. I’m here to tell you that if nothing else, I understand your struggle, I hear your struggle, I have experience shit myself… but you can’t give up. Life goes on and on with or without you, and in the macro sense, who cares if you fuck up a little! Who cares if you aren’t what is expected of you! None of the best people who ever lived conformed or apologized for their failures! They magnified their strengths, focused on the gifts they were given. You need to find your passion in life, find your strength and don’t look back! Never look back! You did what you did, great, I’m proud of you for trying, but you can’t stop now! No. No, don’t you dare stop. You are here for a long, long time and I’m excited to see you change and develop and make something of yourself. I’m on your side, you just call on me… I’m here for you. I feel you, don’t forget that. Keep your head up, carry on with what you’re doing, nothing is worthless if its used to better yourself, no matter how many times you fail, you just need to find your way, your passion, your escape, and fuck everything else. Trust me. You’ll be so much happier you did… Don’t give up. Never, not for one second. 

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this and how it actually made me feel better, but I am surrounded by ppl who ARE actually smart! I am not talking about friends, I don’t envy thim I am happu for them, but I am talking about my family, my dad who is a math genius his father who took a medal from the president at the time for BEING SMART and his achivements in school, my family expects me to BE a genius, and I can’t dissapoint them not after what my dad had to do to give me this kind of education, I can’t live with people’s judgements when they know my mark or what uni. my marks will get me into after all. And you where telling me to focus on my strengths, but what if it is not enough!? What if it I am best at the things that can’t really get me to a college like dentistry, and I am 100% sure my dad wouldn’t be so proud of his “Artist” daughter and no uni. Would accept a colour blind only black anf white artist to be their graduate! My family won’t go around telling everyone here is our daughter she is an artist/singer traaaaa! No no she is not a doctor or an engineer she is an artis/singer EXACTLY what we wanted her to be, NOT.

It is your life, your path, your happiness at stake. I’m sorry, but I’d much rather live my life happy with my career, happy with my decision, than to be trying to live up to expectations clearly not suited for me. You are tying to fit into a square box predetermined for you by people who just so happened to find that box a perfect fit themselves. But what if you’re a rectangle, a triangle, a circle even. Will you spend your entire life trying to fix into something that isn’t for you, or will you make your own box, live comfortably within it? What’s the better option? Defying your convention or living your whole life trying to mould yourself to it? It’s your life, you need to make a choice, and if you choose to mould, you shouldn’t complain about it then. You have a choice, you’ve always had a choice. Life is a choice, it’s filled with them and this won’t be the last one you’ll have to make. Your family should, the way I see family to be, support you no matter what. Love surpasses all, love is stronger than barriers and conventions and anything that threatens it, or gives off the illusion that it might weaken it. If they are any kind of people at all, they will accept you, they will love you… you are their own flesh and blood. And if your concern ventures into the financial, then you should know that you’ll never hit rock bottom, if it’s what you love, if you were born for it, the universe wouldn’t let you lose that badly.

The thing is my family is not forcing me into anything, they know I work hard, they didn’t force me into anything, And I myslef want nothing in my life more than being a dentist, but what if I can’t! I am not smart enough and I know it because no matter how much I try I just get blocked by some wall! The thing is my family has hope in me my mon told me ” I have so much hope in you darling, your brother not much he is smart,yes, but all he does is play, but you I have hope in you” or my dad when he enters my room and sees me studying he patts my back and tellls me “keeps going “dodo” ” with this proud smile, I don’t want that smile to fade away I don’t my mother’s hope to vanish either, and I most definetly don’t want the thing I love/want to be the most taken away from me, but see this is how life is unfair, I work hard but it is never enough, while i see others who really bearly work I swear to god they actually forget their entire bag at home or at school or their books on a final exam and they enter the test and when the marks get out they are more than satisfied and happy with their 99/100 that took no effort, life is unfair, life straight forward, plain with no deessings SUCKs!

I want to be a neurologist, but you think I have the grades for it currently?! Hell no! I need to bust my ass for that right now. I see kids who probably outside of school are nothing more than average walk in and get 80, 90, 100%. Oh fucking well. That’s their journey, that’s their destiny. Maybe I’m meant to struggle, maybe I’m meant to have a harder time with it, but I don’t doubt that it’s for a good reason, to somehow make me appreciate it more, to make me better. Don’t focus on them, you’re not them. And I’ll just put this out there, but maybe your immense struggle is a sign. I’m not saying you should give up, but explore other things too…you might just find you’re happier there. I know I love medicine, that won’t change, but over the years I’ve also formed back ups, other careers I can see myself doing. I’ll still go for medicine, but I need to accept that maybe, despite my best efforts, it isn’t meant to be for me. Oh well! I can only try and try until life expects me to move on, pick myself up and live my life. You need to welcome failure, stop dreading it. It hold you back, it forms those walls you speak of, because by fearing failure you rarely ever try hard enough, strong enough even though you feel you’re giving it your all. It doesn’t work like that. Any negative emotion is bound to form an inhibition. 

Sometimes I just wish it was easy as it sounds, I wish for a miracle to happen, it is really hard, it is hard to see myself doing anything else, it all requires being a genius or I just hate it. It is really hard, I was stupid to give myself so much hope I guess now it all vanished away way too quickly leaving me surprised with a burning painful I-don’t-know-what-the-hell- I’m-going-to-do-! shock.

Source: ellenlover1998
Link

http://ellenlover1998.tumblr.com/post/96045127882/it-is-really-funny-how-missed-up-life-could-get

dre220:

ellenlover1998:

dre220:

ellenlover1998:

It is really funny how missed up life could get! I’ve never wished I was dead this much before! I pray everyday for god to take me! It maybe me acting silly, but god I would give anything to not go to school or have to face anyone at school! It is just way too stressful how my ******* future could…

If I may, ellenlover1998, I must tell you I was the same way. I failed countless tests, disappointed my mom in ways I couldn’t have even imagined, and stressed for hours on end about how I was going to make it all work. I couldn’t console myself, I was lost, I was drifting between hatred for the school system and frustration as to why I couldn’t perform the way I was expected to. It was a lonely, difficult few years. I watched my friends get awards and succeed in ways I could have only dreamed of, I watched the world go on around me while I was barely present, lost in my own failures. I can’t tell you what changed or even what precipitated the change, but I remember every clearly reaching a point where I was emotionless towards everything. I stopped caring. I retrieved into the only world I knew could ever understand me: my head, the world I created, where I and no one else had access to. I started to grow indifferent to my failures, to view them as the past and nothing more because even though my faith in everything was shattered, I never lost faith in myself- my hope was dwindling, but never completely lost and never completely out of reach. I didn’t notice that, of course… not until much, much later, but that isn’t important. I had too much pride in myself to allow such a faulty system- in my eyes- to win over me, to destroy my last shred of whatever weak hope I had. And so, I stopped looking at people, stopped giving them my envy, stopped caring about them, I convinced myself I was better somehow, even though my grades clearly didn’t reflect that.. but it was all I had. I discovered books during this time, found myself in the voices of dead authors, in the vibrant and living souls of the ageless characters they depicted. I read anything and everything I could- fiction, non-fiction, autobiographies, you name it, I’ve seen or touched it during my countless hours spent at the library. And during this time, I discovered a similarity between every successful person deemed successful by our society, by our schools. Some of them, like Einstein, for example, failed and failed until the teachers where forced by their lack of understanding to deem him “incompetent”, “stupid”. Now we know very well today that Einstein was FAR from what they deemed him to be, from that seal of rejection he received from those who were meant to encourage him, teach him, even love him. It is my conviction that even though he was born with an extraordinary mind, that he simply didn’t find his calling in school, he found it in his escape, in his mind, in the books he would invest him time into. He even gave us the quote, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.” And that, my friend, is the point I believe you have reached. Now, I’m not calling you Einstein or even alluding that anyone who struggles has the capabilities he had, but the system we live in isn’t meant for everyone, and we shouldn’t judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree. We can’t get rid of something so deeply rooted, but we can recognize that not everyone is meant to climb that tree, and just because you aren’t, you shouldn’t go trying to change something that 9 times out of 10 isn’t in your power to change. I encourage you to escape, to escape in the smart way. Turn your attention to your strengths, and you have some, I know you do. Go hard at those, believe in that, the universe will guide you to where you are meant to be, believe that! Believe that with all your heart! I am NO WHERE NEAR where I was during my elementary school days and you know what, I’m not even close to what I was in 9th grade- and that wasn’t that long ago! I’m changing and growing better and better every single day and I’ll bet you any sum of money that you are too.. the system can’t show you that when it’s corrupt as it is, you have to believe in that yourself, you have to believe in you. I’m here to tell you that if nothing else, I understand your struggle, I hear your struggle, I have experience shit myself… but you can’t give up. Life goes on and on with or without you, and in the macro sense, who cares if you fuck up a little! Who cares if you aren’t what is expected of you! None of the best people who ever lived conformed or apologized for their failures! They magnified their strengths, focused on the gifts they were given. You need to find your passion in life, find your strength and don’t look back! Never look back! You did what you did, great, I’m proud of you for trying, but you can’t stop now! No. No, don’t you dare stop. You are here for a long, long time and I’m excited to see you change and develop and make something of yourself. I’m on your side, you just call on me… I’m here for you. I feel you, don’t forget that. Keep your head up, carry on with what you’re doing, nothing is worthless if its used to better yourself, no matter how many times you fail, you just need to find your way, your passion, your escape, and fuck everything else. Trust me. You’ll be so much happier you did… Don’t give up. Never, not for one second. 

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this and how it actually made me feel better, but I am surrounded by ppl who ARE actually smart! I am not talking about friends, I don’t envy thim I am happu for them, but I am talking about my family, my dad who is a math genius his father who took a medal from the president at the time for BEING SMART and his achivements in school, my family expects me to BE a genius, and I can’t dissapoint them not after what my dad had to do to give me this kind of education, I can’t live with people’s judgements when they know my mark or what uni. my marks will get me into after all. And you where telling me to focus on my strengths, but what if it is not enough!? What if it I am best at the things that can’t really get me to a college like dentistry, and I am 100% sure my dad wouldn’t be so proud of his “Artist” daughter and no uni. Would accept a colour blind only black anf white artist to be their graduate! My family won’t go around telling everyone here is our daughter she is an artist/singer traaaaa! No no she is not a doctor or an engineer she is an artis/singer EXACTLY what we wanted her to be, NOT.

It is your life, your path, your happiness at stake. I’m sorry, but I’d much rather live my life happy with my career, happy with my decision, than to be trying to live up to expectations clearly not suited for me. You are tying to fit into a square box predetermined for you by people who just so happened to find that box a perfect fit themselves. But what if you’re a rectangle, a triangle, a circle even. Will you spend your entire life trying to fix into something that isn’t for you, or will you make your own box, live comfortably within it? What’s the better option? Defying your convention or living your whole life trying to mould yourself to it? It’s your life, you need to make a choice, and if you choose to mould, you shouldn’t complain about it then. You have a choice, you’ve always had a choice. Life is a choice, it’s filled with them and this won’t be the last one you’ll have to make. Your family should, the way I see family to be, support you no matter what. Love surpasses all, love is stronger than barriers and conventions and anything that threatens it, or gives off the illusion that it might weaken it. If they are any kind of people at all, they will accept you, they will love you… you are their own flesh and blood. And if your concern ventures into the financial, then you should know that you’ll never hit rock bottom, if it’s what you love, if you were born for it, the universe wouldn’t let you lose that badly.

The thing is my family is not forcing me into anything, they know I work hard, they didn’t force me into anything, And I myslef want nothing in my life more than being a dentist, but what if I can’t! I am not smart enough and I know it because no matter how much I try I just get blocked by some wall! The thing is my family has hope in me my mon told me ” I have so much hope in you darling, your brother not much he is smart,yes, but all he does is play, but you I have hope in you” or my dad when he enters my room and sees me studying he patts my back and tellls me “keeps going “dodo” ” with this proud smile, I don’t want that smile to fade away I don’t my mother’s hope to vanish either, and I most definetly don’t want the thing I love/want to be the most taken away from me, but see this is how life is unfair, I work hard but it is never enough, while i see others who really bearly work I swear to god they actually forget their entire bag at home or at school or their books on a final exam and they enter the test and when the marks get out they are more than satisfied and happy with their 99/100 that took no effort, life is unfair, life straight forward, plain with no deessings SUCKs!

Source: ellenlover1998
Link

http://an-iron-willed-fuck-up.tumblr.com/post/96050402758/angrymuslimah-so-i-had-an-unfortunate

angrymuslimah:

So, I had an unfortunate encounter today.

I work at a grocery store and this older white lady comes in my line and i politely asked her how she is, etc. and she suddenly asked me why I wear my hijab. I explained to her how it’s a modesty thing, and she said “You know this is…

Source: angrymuslimah
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http://ellenlover1998.tumblr.com/post/96045127882/it-is-really-funny-how-missed-up-life-could-get

dre220:

ellenlover1998:

It is really funny how missed up life could get! I’ve never wished I was dead this much before! I pray everyday for god to take me! It maybe me acting silly, but god I would give anything to not go to school or have to face anyone at school! It is just way too stressful how my ******* future could…

If I may, ellenlover1998, I must tell you I was the same way. I failed countless tests, disappointed my mom in ways I couldn’t have even imagined, and stressed for hours on end about how I was going to make it all work. I couldn’t console myself, I was lost, I was drifting between hatred for the school system and frustration as to why I couldn’t perform the way I was expected to. It was a lonely, difficult few years. I watched my friends get awards and succeed in ways I could have only dreamed of, I watched the world go on around me while I was barely present, lost in my own failures. I can’t tell you what changed or even what precipitated the change, but I remember every clearly reaching a point where I was emotionless towards everything. I stopped caring. I retrieved into the only world I knew could ever understand me: my head, the world I created, where I and no one else had access to. I started to grow indifferent to my failures, to view them as the past and nothing more because even though my faith in everything was shattered, I never lost faith in myself- my hope was dwindling, but never completely lost and never completely out of reach. I didn’t notice that, of course… not until much, much later, but that isn’t important. I had too much pride in myself to allow such a faulty system- in my eyes- to win over me, to destroy my last shred of whatever weak hope I had. And so, I stopped looking at people, stopped giving them my envy, stopped caring about them, I convinced myself I was better somehow, even though my grades clearly didn’t reflect that.. but it was all I had. I discovered books during this time, found myself in the voices of dead authors, in the vibrant and living souls of the ageless characters they depicted. I read anything and everything I could- fiction, non-fiction, autobiographies, you name it, I’ve seen or touched it during my countless hours spent at the library. And during this time, I discovered a similarity between every successful person deemed successful by our society, by our schools. Some of them, like Einstein, for example, failed and failed until the teachers where forced by their lack of understanding to deem him “incompetent”, “stupid”. Now we know very well today that Einstein was FAR from what they deemed him to be, from that seal of rejection he received from those who were meant to encourage him, teach him, even love him. It is my conviction that even though he was born with an extraordinary mind, that he simply didn’t find his calling in school, he found it in his escape, in his mind, in the books he would invest him time into. He even gave us the quote, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.” And that, my friend, is the point I believe you have reached. Now, I’m not calling you Einstein or even alluding that anyone who struggles has the capabilities he had, but the system we live in isn’t meant for everyone, and we shouldn’t judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree. We can’t get rid of something so deeply rooted, but we can recognize that not everyone is meant to climb that tree, and just because you aren’t, you shouldn’t go trying to change something that 9 times out of 10 isn’t in your power to change. I encourage you to escape, to escape in the smart way. Turn your attention to your strengths, and you have some, I know you do. Go hard at those, believe in that, the universe will guide you to where you are meant to be, believe that! Believe that with all your heart! I am NO WHERE NEAR where I was during my elementary school days and you know what, I’m not even close to what I was in 9th grade- and that wasn’t that long ago! I’m changing and growing better and better every single day and I’ll bet you any sum of money that you are too.. the system can’t show you that when it’s corrupt as it is, you have to believe in that yourself, you have to believe in you. I’m here to tell you that if nothing else, I understand your struggle, I hear your struggle, I have experience shit myself… but you can’t give up. Life goes on and on with or without you, and in the macro sense, who cares if you fuck up a little! Who cares if you aren’t what is expected of you! None of the best people who ever lived conformed or apologized for their failures! They magnified their strengths, focused on the gifts they were given. You need to find your passion in life, find your strength and don’t look back! Never look back! You did what you did, great, I’m proud of you for trying, but you can’t stop now! No. No, don’t you dare stop. You are here for a long, long time and I’m excited to see you change and develop and make something of yourself. I’m on your side, you just call on me… I’m here for you. I feel you, don’t forget that. Keep your head up, carry on with what you’re doing, nothing is worthless if its used to better yourself, no matter how many times you fail, you just need to find your way, your passion, your escape, and fuck everything else. Trust me. You’ll be so much happier you did… Don’t give up. Never, not for one second. 

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this and how it actually made me feel better, but I am surrounded by ppl who ARE actually smart! I am not talking about friends, I don’t envy thim I am happu for them, but I am talking about my family, my dad who is a math genius his father who took a medal from the president at the time for BEING SMART and his achivements in school, my family expects me to BE a genius, and I can’t dissapoint them not after what my dad had to do to give me this kind of education, I can’t live with people’s judgements when they know my mark or what uni. my marks will get me into after all. And you where telling me to focus on my strengths, but what if it is not enough!? What if it I am best at the things that can’t really get me to a college like dentistry, and I am 100% sure my dad wouldn’t be so proud of his “Artist” daughter and no uni. Would accept a colour blind only black anf white artist to be their graduate! My family won’t go around telling everyone here is our daughter she is an artist/singer traaaaa! No no she is not a doctor or an engineer she is an artis/singer EXACTLY what we wanted her to be, NOT.

Source: ellenlover1998
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It is really funny how missed up life could get! I’ve never wished I was dead this much before! I pray everyday for god to take me! It maybe me acting silly, but god I would give anything to not go to school or have to face anyone at school! It is just way too stressful how my ******* future could depend on one ******* mark/test. And what is really hurting me is that I studied so hard last year that I was soo stupid I almost had hope that I would get good marks, I was stupid enough to think I was actually smart! I am just done! for 2 freaking months I slept about what? 6 hours a totall! And what I got back is what?! More stress and just ****. I will keep praying that I die this year I don’t think I can live with another vad mark or with a uni. That I hate, or a family that is dissapointed/ashamed of me. I know I am being so selfish wishing for my life to be taken away from me while others wish for one more day, but I am that done!

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Source: unsuccessfulmetalbenders
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Imagine Mamrie winning…. Grace and Hannah will be onstage already, behind the presenters.

I cannot see them not reaching out and not jump/hugging/screaming ahahahaha

(via t0tes-ma-g0ats)

Source: feministprincessglitter
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"To my children he was Uncle Robin, to everyone he worked with, he was the best boss anyone had ever known, and to me he was not just an inspiration but he was the Father I had always dreamed of having. There are not enough adjectives to describe the light he was, to anyone that ever had the pleasure to meet him. I will miss him everyday, but I know the memory of him will live on. And to his family, I thank them for letting us know him and seeing the joy they brought him. Us crazy ones love you." - Sarah Michelle Gellar

"To my children he was Uncle Robin, to everyone he worked with, he was the best boss anyone had ever known, and to me he was not just an inspiration but he was the Father I had always dreamed of having. There are not enough adjectives to describe the light he was, to anyone that ever had the pleasure to meet him. I will miss him everyday, but I know the memory of him will live on. And to his family, I thank them for letting us know him and seeing the joy they brought him. Us crazy ones love you." - Sarah Michelle Gellar

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Source: watcherspet